"May God guide you in any path that you take. You are a good doctor."
That words sir. Enough to make my heart swell up with hope and joy.
God bless you sir.
HSJ carpark
9.59am
27 sept 2018
Post call. Last day.
Thursday, September 27, 2018
Moving forward
Bismillah..
Its already been 3 weeks++ since i started my attachment in this tertiary centre. The experience is valuable and priceless. Indeed i enjoy the time. The lessons and the different teaching of surgeons. Their thoughts and their ideas. Never enough to satisfy your hunger for knowledge, your thirst for new things.
But it also teach me the harsh reality of life.
U can work your as* off and nobody cares.
U can do slight mistake and boom, u are doomed.
People refer nonsense cases. U know its non of your jurisdiction but since you have been referred and its your responsibility (because your boss said so) so you still need to see the cases.
Regardless the outcome; it is your case or not, people dont give slightest concern. They have referred the team and the team reviewed. DONE. Any thought of it might benefits the patient? Yeah maybe. 0.01% it might benefit the patients. But who cares. Ive done my part and its no longer my responsibility.
Yup come across too many similar situations like this one. Irritates me. Annoys me. Upsets me. But yeah. Who cares. You dont want to accept, u wait for it. Im gonna screw you, smack u, punch u till u surrender. Still any benefits for patient? Yeah maybe plus another 0.01%.
Condemning other department? Yeah we do it often. Surgical condemning medical. Medical backlashes ortho. Paeds badmouthing O&G. ED hates anaest. And that viscious cycle continue. Till when? God knows. Such negative environment. For God sake. *facepalm.
Supposedly another 1 month to go but i got my transfer. Alhamdulillah.
New environment. Different jobscope.
Primary care, public health. 1st impression. Boring. Not challenging.
BUT..
attitude related illnesess, disease caused by lifestyle, high risk behaviour.
It all should be prevented from primary setting. Prevention is better than cure. Cure is better than prevent complication. Yup. After 4 years of clinical years, i bet its time to buckle up and prepare to face the battle in 1sthand. The primary defense.
On the added positive values....
No more mortality meeting, internal enquiries, finding faults, blaming games, etc.
I rest my case.
Paperwork vs human attitude? U judge.
#mayAllahbless #mayAllahguide
Its already been 3 weeks++ since i started my attachment in this tertiary centre. The experience is valuable and priceless. Indeed i enjoy the time. The lessons and the different teaching of surgeons. Their thoughts and their ideas. Never enough to satisfy your hunger for knowledge, your thirst for new things.
But it also teach me the harsh reality of life.
U can work your as* off and nobody cares.
U can do slight mistake and boom, u are doomed.
People refer nonsense cases. U know its non of your jurisdiction but since you have been referred and its your responsibility (because your boss said so) so you still need to see the cases.
Regardless the outcome; it is your case or not, people dont give slightest concern. They have referred the team and the team reviewed. DONE. Any thought of it might benefits the patient? Yeah maybe. 0.01% it might benefit the patients. But who cares. Ive done my part and its no longer my responsibility.
Yup come across too many similar situations like this one. Irritates me. Annoys me. Upsets me. But yeah. Who cares. You dont want to accept, u wait for it. Im gonna screw you, smack u, punch u till u surrender. Still any benefits for patient? Yeah maybe plus another 0.01%.
Condemning other department? Yeah we do it often. Surgical condemning medical. Medical backlashes ortho. Paeds badmouthing O&G. ED hates anaest. And that viscious cycle continue. Till when? God knows. Such negative environment. For God sake. *facepalm.
Supposedly another 1 month to go but i got my transfer. Alhamdulillah.
New environment. Different jobscope.
Primary care, public health. 1st impression. Boring. Not challenging.
BUT..
attitude related illnesess, disease caused by lifestyle, high risk behaviour.
It all should be prevented from primary setting. Prevention is better than cure. Cure is better than prevent complication. Yup. After 4 years of clinical years, i bet its time to buckle up and prepare to face the battle in 1sthand. The primary defense.
On the added positive values....
No more mortality meeting, internal enquiries, finding faults, blaming games, etc.
I rest my case.
Paperwork vs human attitude? U judge.
#mayAllahbless #mayAllahguide
Decision making
Bismillah....
The steps feel heavy but the heart feel at ease.
Leaving behind things you have interest in never feels right, but the thought of spending time with people you love is the best reason ever.
Decision making.
Not to be made when the heart in pain, nor when the heart in too much joy.
Leaving, saying good bye. Never a joy.
Adapting, assimilating. A prove of easier saying than doing.
Found a great teacher. A guru. A master. An idol. The footsteps that show guidance. An urge to follow,but a tidal to swallow.
Running, chasing one dream is a thing. Reality and responsibility is another.
Not everyone has similar path to walk through.
Nor everyone developed similar passion and strength to continue.
I have made the decision. Yet to find out the outcome.
Happiness and suffering come simultaneously. Yet it teach a valuable lessons. to pursue or not to pursue.
Dreams are made to be turned into reality. Or its a sweet fantasy that pushes you to go through the harsh reality.
Reality check. Ask the heart what matter most and definitive answer is there. Juggling is not the cup of coffee. Nor sacrificing.
In the end. Decision making is not one to decide. Its the qada' & qadr of The God Almighty.
------------------------------------------------
Ive made one decision rushingly before and the result is catastrophic. Now ive given such long duration to think and choose. Alhamdulillah it might not be the best, yet im glad its done after much thorough thinking.
PS: good day Penang! almost 2 years and its hello Kedah. 😎
*Yet to discover bigger world and unknown future.
#alhamdulillah # #mayAllahease #mayAllahbless #mayAllahguide #mayAllah protect
The steps feel heavy but the heart feel at ease.
Leaving behind things you have interest in never feels right, but the thought of spending time with people you love is the best reason ever.
Decision making.
Not to be made when the heart in pain, nor when the heart in too much joy.
Leaving, saying good bye. Never a joy.
Adapting, assimilating. A prove of easier saying than doing.
Found a great teacher. A guru. A master. An idol. The footsteps that show guidance. An urge to follow,but a tidal to swallow.
Running, chasing one dream is a thing. Reality and responsibility is another.
Not everyone has similar path to walk through.
Nor everyone developed similar passion and strength to continue.
I have made the decision. Yet to find out the outcome.
Happiness and suffering come simultaneously. Yet it teach a valuable lessons. to pursue or not to pursue.
Dreams are made to be turned into reality. Or its a sweet fantasy that pushes you to go through the harsh reality.
Reality check. Ask the heart what matter most and definitive answer is there. Juggling is not the cup of coffee. Nor sacrificing.
In the end. Decision making is not one to decide. Its the qada' & qadr of The God Almighty.
------------------------------------------------
Ive made one decision rushingly before and the result is catastrophic. Now ive given such long duration to think and choose. Alhamdulillah it might not be the best, yet im glad its done after much thorough thinking.
PS: good day Penang! almost 2 years and its hello Kedah. 😎
*Yet to discover bigger world and unknown future.
#alhamdulillah # #mayAllahease #mayAllahbless #mayAllahguide #mayAllah protect
Monday, July 9, 2018
Hurtful
Bismillah
Im confused, hurtful and frustrated with myself.
Why?
Because i couldnt make up my mind.
I couldnt decide which way i want to go.
I couldnt let go of that feeling.
That feeling of moving forward. Pursuing ther dream. Movig up the stair of ther career path.
To add the fuel to the fire, the feeling of jealousy of my colleagues that are on their way of pursuing that road.
That feeling.
Sad, disappointed with myself.
Im not strong enough, to decide, to stop hoping and to move on a different path.
May Allah bless.
Wallahualam.
Im confused, hurtful and frustrated with myself.
Why?
Because i couldnt make up my mind.
I couldnt decide which way i want to go.
I couldnt let go of that feeling.
That feeling of moving forward. Pursuing ther dream. Movig up the stair of ther career path.
To add the fuel to the fire, the feeling of jealousy of my colleagues that are on their way of pursuing that road.
That feeling.
Sad, disappointed with myself.
Im not strong enough, to decide, to stop hoping and to move on a different path.
May Allah bless.
Wallahualam.
Tuesday, June 26, 2018
Irritated
Bismillah..
Im not sure how did i developed this feelings but one thing for sure it keep on growing, growing & continue growing.
That feeling of irritated and annoyed with all this. The things that i used to enjoy doing but now the excitement fading by time.
I couldnt help it but i did acknowledging the feelings and let it grow day by day.
Why?
Because i couldnt see any hopes in it. I couldnt see my future there. The things i longing before doesnt seem appealing anymore.
Losing interest?
Yes.
Choose to do so?
Not really.
But i believe if it is meant to be then it will be. If it not our destiny then it will not be.
Its Him that hold our heart. Its Him who hold our emotions. Its Him that hold the Qada' & Qadr.
We the human, His slaves, mere powerless tiny little creature can only try our best and pray for the best.
Some time what we want doesnt suit us, some other time unexpected things happen but indeed that benefits us.
I do hope as long as im still here i will be doing some good thing to others and once im away from all this, i really hope i can strive in the things that both good for me as well as giving me that pleasure of doing it.
Till then, just keep on swimming Muhsina. May Allah bless.
Alhamdulillah.
Im not sure how did i developed this feelings but one thing for sure it keep on growing, growing & continue growing.
That feeling of irritated and annoyed with all this. The things that i used to enjoy doing but now the excitement fading by time.
I couldnt help it but i did acknowledging the feelings and let it grow day by day.
Why?
Because i couldnt see any hopes in it. I couldnt see my future there. The things i longing before doesnt seem appealing anymore.
Losing interest?
Yes.
Choose to do so?
Not really.
But i believe if it is meant to be then it will be. If it not our destiny then it will not be.
Its Him that hold our heart. Its Him who hold our emotions. Its Him that hold the Qada' & Qadr.
We the human, His slaves, mere powerless tiny little creature can only try our best and pray for the best.
Some time what we want doesnt suit us, some other time unexpected things happen but indeed that benefits us.
I do hope as long as im still here i will be doing some good thing to others and once im away from all this, i really hope i can strive in the things that both good for me as well as giving me that pleasure of doing it.
Till then, just keep on swimming Muhsina. May Allah bless.
Alhamdulillah.
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