Wednesday, August 30, 2017
Out from hell
The tittle might seems a bit exaggerated but that exactly how i feel when finally escaped from there (a place that should not be mentioned)..
5 months of suffering, with tears, depression and anxiety that never that high before. Even now when thinking of that phase makes me palpitation and restless.
O Allah, all praise to You. The Almighty, The Merciful, The All-Known. Each passing day i could never thank You enough for letting me out from there.
It crushes me down, it breaks me apart, it slowly kills me inside. No one knows except my husband and a good friend of mine. Until at one point of time i couldnt bear it anymore. I know i should seek help, i know i MUST get out from there. Alhamdulillah, Allah grant my du'a during the Holy Month of Ramadhan.
It sound unprofessional just by sending text telling me that im out from there. But i think it benefit us both. Me and her. When i think she knows that she play the major part of my hellish phase that i dont ever want to turn back. I couldnt even look her in the eye. I couldnt even hear her voice. I could never gain that courage to face her again.
I then gone into 2 weeks of hiatus before reporting to a new place. It was like entering heaven; that relief, that joy, that sense of belonging that finally yet slowly comes in. Alhamdulillah3x.
It tooks at least a total of 1 month for me to get back to old me. The happy, smilling me. Yes, with the help of shrink and meds. I am glad. I reach out for help and i find it. I didnt think its an embarresment to admit that i need help and i DID ask for help. Cause it WORKS. Alhamdulillah.
Now i can proudly say im enjoying this new place and will always improve myself day by day. Gaining new knowledge and experience. Maybe one day insyaAllah i got that courage to further study and who knows i can be a great muslimah surgeon. Wallahua'lam.. even a chronic MO doesnt sound bad when i think i achieve being at the 'top'; being a good doctor, a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter/inlaw and a good member of society and of course a good abd to Him.
What ever will be, will be. The future is not ours to see.
Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal..
"dan Dialah y menidurkan kamu pada mlm hari dan Dia mengetahui apa y kamu kerjakan pada siang hari. kemudian Dia membangunkan kamu pada siang hari utk disempurnakan umurmu y telah ditetapkan. kemudian kepadaNya tempat kamu kembali, lalu Dia memberitahukan kepadamu apa y tlh kamu kerjakan." Al-An'am 6: 60