Sunday, April 30, 2017

Of 2 years HOship and 2 years of marriage.

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum..

Too many things happen within this 2 years of silence (in here only lah) that i would say.. "sekejapnya masa berlalu"

But not too much to say. Nothing walk too fast or too slow. Everything move at it own pace.

Its only depend on us. Either to enjoy the ride, sail through the moment. Or fall into the deepest hole. Crawling every single day. Just to finish the so called 'uncomfortable time period"

Such a waste isn't? Walking day by day just waiting for it to finish. But at that particular moment. Everything seems impossible. Just to make the end met. Just to put full stop at it.

When it finally end, only then i realised i should have made the moment count. Cherished every moment, memories. Because nothing will turn back the clock (yes not even wishing for it to turn back).

But enough to say, the experience make me grow older (aging surely), more mature and wiser.

**********

On the contrary.. 2 years of marriage life is definitely something extraordinary. Way beyond i can ever imagine.

Too much of loneliness before, never can compare to finding your other half. Completes you. Heal you. Understand you well. Who would thought i actually didnt know me that well until we found each other (till jannah insyaAllah 😊) seriously speaking. Habits and all, like a mirror. Like a clothing that wraps around you. Only now i truly understand the verse, "Pelindung bagi wanita, pakaian bagi mu" (will add the verse later, cant remember the verse atm) n I could not imagine these 2 years with him. 😙

But beyond the cheeziness, the message i wanted to convey is that: marriage is not all about the lovy dovy things, it has the ups and downs, good and bad moments. But like he always emphasize "always find a way to protect our marriage, till jannah insyaAllah".

Jaga diri, jaga peribadi. InsyaAllah He will find you the right person for you. Just. The. Right. One.

Maybe now. Maybe later. But He will. If not in Dunya, surely in Akhirah. Just believe Him. ☺😉

having MH jr. definitely take a new turn anyway. Being a new mom with not so much of experience (?) plus time constraint (work to blame maybe 😅?) definitely a new challenge that i never experience before. Mr MH play a MAJOR role in raising her. Imagine all the oncall back-to-back, postnight shift, and all. Sometimes i'll passed out right after back home. Its definitely take someone so patience and caring to handle her while her mommy gone into the lala land. May Allah bless him Jannah (amin!)

Even now im still tagging MO (entering 4th month 😧😥 of tagging period) back to back oncall never fails to amuse me (Bila la nak habis ni yaAllahu akhbar!) Sooo tired and sleepy everytime finished one after another oncalls. Fuh. But he still never fails to care for me and our child. May Allah bless you, abang. (Amin!)

Ya Allah permudahkanlah perjalanan hidup kami, tunjukkanlah kami jalan yang terbaik menujuMu. Moga kami redha akan setiap ketentuan yang Engkau telah tetapkan. Moga kami temui setiap inci hikmah dalam aturanMu ya Allah. Amin ya Rabbal Alamin..

Alhamdulillah.

Who would thought..

Assalamualaikum...

Who would thought..
I finished my HO-ship after 2 years! + (4months of confinement period)
Atm a living MO yet to pursue her dream. Stuck in between reality and responsibility.

Im a wife to Mr Mohd Hudzaifah Zamri. 😆 counting to 2nd anniversary.
Im a mother to Maryam Hawa 😎 1 year plus of sweat and bundle of joy..

Yet...
Im still uncertain which way will i go. Or should i go.
What will be waiting in the future.

Or..
Should i just be like sera

What ever will be. Will be. The future is not ours to see. Que sera. Sera..

May Allah bless.

Alhamdulillah for every blessing..

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

theme: marriage.














Friday, May 8, 2015

Day 7 of Life. in NICU.

Alhamdulillah. Tamat tempoh tagging di posting ke-3 ku. Paediatrics posting, the 1st two months will be in NICU (neonatal intensive care unit/unit jagaan rapi bayi)

Too much tension, antara moments yang aku rasakan 'kalau quit HO lebih baik'. Tetapi saat perasaan paling negative aku muncul, hanya 'nothing last forever' yang dapat memujuk hati. Ya aku akui 'nothing last forever' itu sangat low dan seperti apa yang dilakukan sangat sia2 kerana aku tidak merasakan keikhlasan itu ada. Shame on me. Sama seperti, 'When the only option is to move on'. As a Muslim, I feel ashamed for having these thoughts.

Perasaan berkecamuk, terutama sewaktu mengambil darah bayi2 kecil mungil itu. Bayangkan, sekurang2nya dua, tiga kali sehari perlu mengambil darah mereka. Terutama kes2 neonatal jaundice. Utk mengetahui adakah rawatan lampu y diberikan dapat mengurangkan kadar bilirubin y menyebabkan kuning itu. It is sickening and heartbreaking to watch the babies cry and you know it is because of the needles. Seniors kata, 'utk kebaikan mereka juga', 'kalau level bilirubin masih tinggi, kan lagi banyak masalah', 'bukan saja2 kita nk cucuk mereka', 'ingat kita ni seronok tgk baby menangis disebabkan kita cucuk?' Dan banyak lagi.

Kes2 resuscitation, bila mana mendapat panggilan dari labour room (bilik bersalin) ada kes fetal distress (anak lemas dalam kandungan) dan emergency caesarean section akan dilakukan keatas ibu maka kami harus bersedia utk resuscitate bayi yang akan dilahirkan. No its not fun. Its sad and heartbreaking. Alhamdulillah sepanjang seminggu tagging aku masih belum berkesempatan membantu kes2 seperti bayi meninggal dalam kandungan, bayi meninggal sejurus setelah dilahirkan atau kes y sewaktu dgnnya. Ya, mungkin aku masih belum kuat utk berdepan dengan situasi sebegitu.

But sooner or later I know I will face it. Kerna itu aku harus bersedia. Mentally prepared.

Ya Rabb, permudahkanlah urusanku, ringankanlah bebananku, dan kuatkanlah aku dalam menempuh hari2 mendatang. Kerna hanya Engkaulah tempat bergantung harap.

Alhamdulillah...

tagging period for dummies

Bismillah..

Tagging: tag along seniors dan adaptation di department baru. Masa: 7am-10mlm. Tempoh: Seminggu-2minggu @ bergantung kepada prestasi anda.

Tugasan: bergantung kepada department. Hari pertama: ambil logbook utk posting tersebut di admin. Dan masa utk orientasi ward/ot/clinic/etc. Perkenalkan diri kepada sister ward dan briefing akan diberikan.
Hari kedua: di kebanyakan dept, anda akan mula diberikan 1st task. Eg; in charge pts/ tag di clinic/etc.
Hari ketiga dan seterusnya: tugasan akan makin bertambah dan terus bertambah.
Hari 'expected' last tagging: anda perlu approach any designated MO/ MO in charge HO to offtag you. Kalau MO tidak berpuas hati dgn prestasi anda sepanjang tagging--> Extend tagging.

Offtag: tamat tempoh tagging dan mula bertugas office hour/ shift system (according to each dept in each hospital)
*hospital Putrajaya tiada shift system. Hanya on call system.

Extend tagging: tempoh masa tagging dipanjangkan. Seminggu/2 minggu/ terpulang kepada mereka.

Sepanjang  tempoh tagging:
Tension akan mula beranak pinak. Kerana anda diharap utk berfungsi. Belajar tetap belajar. Tetapi lebih kpd how things work. Knowledge will come later. Tetapi siapa yang dapat adaptasi sepantas kilat bukan? Maka disaat dan ketika tagging lah selalunya peak moment anda akan dimarahi/dimaki/ditengking kerana kurang cekap. Ya, response kepada situasi ini 'takkan nk marah, baru je belajar kot'. Tetapi percayalah, jika anda lihat dari sudut positif, situasi ini akan menyebabkan anda tidak mahu lagi mengulangi kesilapan yang sama lalu akan berusaha utk perbaiki prestasi anda. ULANG SUARA, jika anda melihat situasi ini dari sudut positif. Dan berusaha memperbaiki diri dan prestasi kerja anda. Maka anda akan make an effort utk tidak mengulangi kesilapan yang sama.

Maka tamat tempoh tagging juga membawa maksud anda sudah bersedia untuk on call. Bersama MO of course.

Tempoh tagging adalah tempoh paling menyiksakan utk setiap posting. Kerna anda akan kepenatan yang amat, balik belum tentu pukul sepuluh (pukul 12mn/1am tidak mustahil) tetapi tetap harus datang sebelum 7pg keesokan harinya. Tiada life, ya itu mungkin betul. Kerna pergi kerja gelap, balik kerja gelap.
Tetapi percayalah, the least yang anda boleh harapkan adalah, ini hanya sementara, nothing last forever. Worst come to worse, anda akan tetap offtag soooooner or laaater. Dan pejam celik posting bakal berakhir. Extend posting atau tidak, posting setiap dept akan berakhir dan sesuatu y baru menanti anda.

**hanya berdasarkan pengalaman y taklah byk mana, seciput y bisa dikongsi. Kerna aku juga mengalami apa y kalian rasa. May Allah bless.


ALLAH know!

"dan Dialah y menidurkan kamu pada mlm hari dan Dia mengetahui apa y kamu kerjakan pada siang hari. kemudian Dia membangunkan kamu pada siang hari utk disempurnakan umurmu y telah ditetapkan. kemudian kepadaNya tempat kamu kembali, lalu Dia memberitahukan kepadamu apa y tlh kamu kerjakan." Al-An'am 6: 60

motivating one-self!~

"la yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha"
Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya" al-Baqarah 2: 286

~~kadang kala Allah sembunyikan matahari, Dia datangkan petir dan kilat.. kita tertanya-tanya, kemana hilangnya mentari?? rupa-rupanya Allah gantikannya dengan sang pelangi yang indah... ^_^