be one. the survived one.

Bismillah.. 

Its tough. It surely is. 

But remember:

1. Nothing last forever. Either its good or bad. It will pass.

2. What doesn't kill you make you stronger.

3. Everything start with something. There's always first time in everything.

4. Nobody is perfect. Everyone do mistakes. Either they ignore and push it aside. Or they acknowledge it and learn from it.

5. Don't let your emotion controls you. Take charge of it and move forward. 

Lastly, let's continue walking. Be it slow, bumpy, jagged or slippery. Never stop till the end.

Alhamdulillah for everything. Indeed life is the best teacher.

everything start with something.

Bismillah.

Yesterday was my first tag call. Means on call while tagging. I'm still a tagger (tag along with senior HO and learn the correct way and step to manage patients) till I'm ready enough to manage and handle the patient independently (accordingly and correctly) with the guidance from superiors of course..

Anyway, semalam juga adalah satu titik baru dlm garisan perjalanan y masih jauuhhhhh. Menjadi 1st assistant surgeon. Means the second man after the surgeon himself. 

I initially thought i will be going in with some other senior ho n become the 2nd assistant which mean the less important person lah. Yeah coz the idea of letting some 1st poster who still a tagger and on her 4th day of tagging to become the 1st assistant doesn't sound right. 'What does she know?' 

Yeah. Wanna ask the same question as well. What do I know, man??? 

Eventually it do happen. 

Lots of scolding I've received but lessons learned man. I'm growing by minutes. Everything start with something. 

La yukallifullahunafsan illa wus'aha. Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dgn kesanggupannya. 2:286.

*This words really keep me going. Allahu Allah. Tanpa Dia aku mati. Tanpa Dia aku lemah. Tanpa Dia aku tak mungkin dapat terus menapak. 

One step at a time.

Slowly but keep on walking.

Tears, sweats, pain and tiredness. Make it worth.. 

Alhamdulillah for everything.

P/s: and never forget to smile. It helps. Really does. ^_^

Adapting

Bismillah..

Adapting is not cool. Especially when you are scared to face that fact.

But tagging while having fever and URTI plus some toothache is nothing near cool at all.

On top of all that, you are all alone. No family or friends with you. it's wayyy far from cool.


******************************************

But this is it. Now is the time. Hold tightly to 2:286. Believe in Him. La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha. He does not burden us the things we can't handle.

Stay strong and keep holding on.

You are now a house officer. Not a medical student anymore. Face that fact dear me. And things will be getting tougher and tougher as time goes by. Embrace and accept the challenge.

Bismillah. InsyaAllah we gonna make it through. *Smile.

Alhamdulillah..

into the new world. part 2

Bismillah.

My last post was on April 2014. During Pro Exam. Just before the 4 month long holiday. Yet start writing again on my 2nd day of work. (After the longgg 4 month break) *smirk. Futur.. Hehe

Alhamdulillah. Report duty semalam. Now I'm officially a house officer (HO) in Hospital Putrajaya. Already know my 1st posting.

Yes. Ortho is my first posting as a HO.

Yes. Im nervous. But yet. La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha. Allah takkan bebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya. Al-Baqarah:286. 

So chin up. And pray hard. ^_^

Masih dlm minggu Orientasi dan official tagging bermula esok. Some said rasa macam medical student lagi. Some said they already have to write the patient bht on the first day of tagging.  But anyway...

I dont know what is waiting for me. but i do know, to move forward you have to start MOVING!!

Good luck to all new housemen. Keep moving forward. We can do it. InsyaAllah.

Alhamdulillah. ^_^

pro exam. its the end?

bismillah...

tinggal satu je lg theory paper esok n sabtu dpn exam clinical (tanya2, check2 REAL patients, susun ayat, present kt Dr, discuss2 mcm mna nk manage. not 1 but 5 patients)... then insyaAllah thats it. NO repeat. insyaAllah. amin. (aminnn)

for now dh mula terfikir whats next?? 

for 5 years anticipating this Pro Exam. now its about to come to an end. so whats next? 

yes, the politically correct answer would be: tunggu posting.

but beyond that i was actually thinking, selama ni belajar ngokngek2 memang utk Pro Exam ke? sbb bila fefeeling nk habis ni jd mcm: 'what? selama ni tunggu penuh kecuakan utk this moment, now its about to end?'

heh. dari situ lg dah nmpk sumbing. kau belajar utk jd Dr? kau belajar utk lulus exam? atau sebenarnya kau belajar utk dpt redhaNya?

tepuk dada tya iman masing2. ini general. semua course boleh apply. memang. saya berbicara dari sudut student. yela tak habis lagi. mana nk faham perasan mereka2 y dah berkerja kan? 'lain sgt masa kerja dgn masa belajar' 'aku rindu la nak belajar balik, free, xda tanggungjawab, tau study pastu jwb exam je' 'budak tak habis belajar lg mana faham, kerja ni stress bkn seronok2 je' etc. etc.

i got no comment on that issue. xkerja lg. xda pengalaman lg so biar kakak2, abg2 y bkerja y sentuh.

my major point is. niat. hadith kan. setiap amal tu bgantung pada niat.

sooo. bila niat belajar tu utk lulus exam, bila da lulus exam tu apa jd? hilang terus momentum y selama ni menolak utk terus focus.

sama juga bila niat belajar utk jadi doktor, engineer, lab technician, cikgu, etc. (sekadar menyebut beberapa pkerjaan. xda niat utk mmperkecilkan atau buat2 xnmpk y lain). bila da dpt kerja tu apa jadi? da xada dah sebab utk berusaha. sbb dah smpai target.

tapiiii.. cuba kita jadikan niat kita nak dapat redha Allah. wee.. it wont stop. the momentum, the urge to do the best, sbb ia xkan selesai selagi xjejak syurga Allah.

a friendly reminder to me n to all of us. kita masuk syurga bkn sbb amal kita, tapi sbb redha dan rahmat Allah. iyee, kita buat amal kebaikan tapi ia belum cukup utk beli tiket ke jannah, hanya bila Allah redha baru dpt pass masuk syurga. hokeyy??

as a conclusion. always recheck. and renew. our niat. whyyyy would we be doing what we are doing.. pnjg pulak post. till then. may Allah bless.

alhamdulillah...

5th year. no jokes.

its time for bussiness. pff.

almost finishing.
tinggal 2 bulan lagi untuk habis posting yang terakhir.
Family Medicine & Emergency Medicine.
masa utk brush up balik semua karat2.
no jokes.
Internal Medicine, Surgery, Obstetric and Gynaecology,
Paediatrics, Orthopaedic, Psychiatry, Otorhinolaryngology,
Opthalmology, Anaesthesiology, Forensic dan BANYAKKK lagii..

31 Mac 2014. start of Pro Exam.
sebelum itu ada 3 minggu untuk ulangkaji.
no jokes.
it wont be enough.
tolak makan, tidur, berfoya menghilangkan tekanan, bergurau senda bersama teman..
SURE wont be enough.

Allahu yusahhil.
Allahumma la sahla illa ma ja'altahu sahla, wa anta taj 'alul hazna izha shi' ta sahla.

اللهُمَّ لا سَهْلَ إلا مَا جَعَلتَهُ سَهْلا وَ أنتَ تَجْعَلُ الحزْنَ إذا شِئْتَ سَهْل

‘O Allah! There is nothing easy except what You make easy, and You make the difficult easy if it be Your Will’

70 days left.

bismillah...

tinggal 70 hari. sebelum bermulanya peperiksaan ikhtisas akhir a.k.a Professional Exam..
akan tiba saat yang menentukan lulus atau tidak bergelar pemegang ijazah MD UKM..
setelah 5 tahun. bermula Julai 2009 hingga Mac 2014.

bersedia atau tidak. belum kutemui jawapannya.
nebes itu sudah pasti.
T_T

bismillahi tawakkaltu 'alallah la hawlawa quwwata illa billah...

bahagia?

bismillah...

belum ketemu jodohnya?
nanti sudah tua tidak berkeluarga?
tidak punya kerjaya saat habis belajar?
bagaimana ingin menyara keluarga andai tidak punya mata pencarian?

mengapa risaukan yang bukan kerja kita?
bukankah kerja utama kita ibadah? khalifah?
andai bukan itu jalan yang diinginkanNya, pasti banyak lagi jalan y akan ditunjukkan.
kalau benar yakin akan ketentuanNya, mengapa perlu risaukan yang lain?

risaukan dunia?
sedang akhirat yang sepatutnya menjadi matlamat utama.
biar dunia menjadi ladang akhirat.
biar didunia penat, letih, lelah bercucuk tanam,
kerna di akhirat kelak biar kita bahagia menuai hasilnya.

ada apa pada dunia?
isteri-isteri yang menyenangkan hatimu?
anak-anak yang membahagiakan harimu?
harta kekayaan yang membukit?
rumah, kereta, aset-asetmu?
penyokong-penyokong, pengikut-pengikutmu?

rasa tenang, gembira, apakah itu definisi bahagia?
biar cara mendapatkannya adalah maksiat, kelalaian, kealpaan,
adakah itu maknanya bahagia?

dimanakah bahagia?
bila semua yang dirasai itu sementara?

apa itu bahagia?
andai bukan syurga matlamatnya.

"What Hurts The Most" Rascal Flatts

bismillah.. tersirat itu lebih mendalam berbanding tersurat.. 

"What Hurts The Most" Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m OK
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say (much to say)
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do, oh.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say (to say)
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

luka berdarah lagi

bismillah..

aku cuba untuk menerima keadaan seadanya.
tapi ternyata ia satu fakta yang amat sukar untuk ditelan.
tidak berani utk ku memandai2 berbicara kerna ku risau akan silap faktanya.
tetapi ternyata berdiam diri sebegini tidak dapat membantu apa2.

Allahu..
pasti besar hikmahnya atas segala yang berlaku.
aku cuba utk menerima 'things do happen'.
dan di akhirnya ternyata yang salah itu aku.
kerna tidak berusaha bersungguh2 mencari penerusan.
kerna pada awalnya penerusan hanya difikirkan utk diri sendiri.
akhirnya aku sendirian merawat luka yang semakin lama semakin bernanah.
semakin lama semakin perit utk ditelan, semakin sakit utk dibiarkan.
dan ternyata tidak memberi kesan kepada selain aku.

aku petik comment dari seorang insan tidak dikenali... 

"kerna kelak di akhirat nanti, Allah tidak tanya jemaah mana yg antum ikuti..

cukup lah masing2 yakin dan faham bahawa fikrah mngenai Islam perlu disebarkn agar individu Muslim dpt dibentuk seterusnya akan terbinanya empayar Islam.. setiap jemaah ada manhajnya yg tersendiri,. ada agenda tersendiri.. tp ingatan utk ana dan juga antum semua, bahawa kita mahu membawa Islam kepasa masyarakat.. dekatkan masyarakat dgn Islam yg sebenar,. bknnya attach dan taksub dgn jemaah masing2.. ya benar, kita berlainan jemaah.. tp matlamat kita sama bkn??"

ya pada akhirnya matlamat kita sama bukan.
menuju mardhatillah. keredhaan Allah.
ikhlaskan diri. ikhlaskan diri.
moga Allah ampunkan segala dosa2 kami,
jauhkan kami dari siksa neraka,
 tempatkan kami di syurga. Amin ya Rabbal Alamin..