Day 7 of Life. in NICU.

Alhamdulillah. Tamat tempoh tagging di posting ke-3 ku. Paediatrics posting, the 1st two months will be in NICU (neonatal intensive care unit/unit jagaan rapi bayi)

Too much tension, antara moments yang aku rasakan 'kalau quit HO lebih baik'. Tetapi saat perasaan paling negative aku muncul, hanya 'nothing last forever' yang dapat memujuk hati. Ya aku akui 'nothing last forever' itu sangat low dan seperti apa yang dilakukan sangat sia2 kerana aku tidak merasakan keikhlasan itu ada. Shame on me. Sama seperti, 'When the only option is to move on'. As a Muslim, I feel ashamed for having these thoughts.

Perasaan berkecamuk, terutama sewaktu mengambil darah bayi2 kecil mungil itu. Bayangkan, sekurang2nya dua, tiga kali sehari perlu mengambil darah mereka. Terutama kes2 neonatal jaundice. Utk mengetahui adakah rawatan lampu y diberikan dapat mengurangkan kadar bilirubin y menyebabkan kuning itu. It is sickening and heartbreaking to watch the babies cry and you know it is because of the needles. Seniors kata, 'utk kebaikan mereka juga', 'kalau level bilirubin masih tinggi, kan lagi banyak masalah', 'bukan saja2 kita nk cucuk mereka', 'ingat kita ni seronok tgk baby menangis disebabkan kita cucuk?' Dan banyak lagi.

Kes2 resuscitation, bila mana mendapat panggilan dari labour room (bilik bersalin) ada kes fetal distress (anak lemas dalam kandungan) dan emergency caesarean section akan dilakukan keatas ibu maka kami harus bersedia utk resuscitate bayi yang akan dilahirkan. No its not fun. Its sad and heartbreaking. Alhamdulillah sepanjang seminggu tagging aku masih belum berkesempatan membantu kes2 seperti bayi meninggal dalam kandungan, bayi meninggal sejurus setelah dilahirkan atau kes y sewaktu dgnnya. Ya, mungkin aku masih belum kuat utk berdepan dengan situasi sebegitu.

But sooner or later I know I will face it. Kerna itu aku harus bersedia. Mentally prepared.

Ya Rabb, permudahkanlah urusanku, ringankanlah bebananku, dan kuatkanlah aku dalam menempuh hari2 mendatang. Kerna hanya Engkaulah tempat bergantung harap.

Alhamdulillah...

tagging period for dummies

Bismillah..

Tagging: tag along seniors dan adaptation di department baru. Masa: 7am-10mlm. Tempoh: Seminggu-2minggu @ bergantung kepada prestasi anda.

Tugasan: bergantung kepada department. Hari pertama: ambil logbook utk posting tersebut di admin. Dan masa utk orientasi ward/ot/clinic/etc. Perkenalkan diri kepada sister ward dan briefing akan diberikan.
Hari kedua: di kebanyakan dept, anda akan mula diberikan 1st task. Eg; in charge pts/ tag di clinic/etc.
Hari ketiga dan seterusnya: tugasan akan makin bertambah dan terus bertambah.
Hari 'expected' last tagging: anda perlu approach any designated MO/ MO in charge HO to offtag you. Kalau MO tidak berpuas hati dgn prestasi anda sepanjang tagging--> Extend tagging.

Offtag: tamat tempoh tagging dan mula bertugas office hour/ shift system (according to each dept in each hospital)
*hospital Putrajaya tiada shift system. Hanya on call system.

Extend tagging: tempoh masa tagging dipanjangkan. Seminggu/2 minggu/ terpulang kepada mereka.

Sepanjang  tempoh tagging:
Tension akan mula beranak pinak. Kerana anda diharap utk berfungsi. Belajar tetap belajar. Tetapi lebih kpd how things work. Knowledge will come later. Tetapi siapa yang dapat adaptasi sepantas kilat bukan? Maka disaat dan ketika tagging lah selalunya peak moment anda akan dimarahi/dimaki/ditengking kerana kurang cekap. Ya, response kepada situasi ini 'takkan nk marah, baru je belajar kot'. Tetapi percayalah, jika anda lihat dari sudut positif, situasi ini akan menyebabkan anda tidak mahu lagi mengulangi kesilapan yang sama lalu akan berusaha utk perbaiki prestasi anda. ULANG SUARA, jika anda melihat situasi ini dari sudut positif. Dan berusaha memperbaiki diri dan prestasi kerja anda. Maka anda akan make an effort utk tidak mengulangi kesilapan yang sama.

Maka tamat tempoh tagging juga membawa maksud anda sudah bersedia untuk on call. Bersama MO of course.

Tempoh tagging adalah tempoh paling menyiksakan utk setiap posting. Kerna anda akan kepenatan yang amat, balik belum tentu pukul sepuluh (pukul 12mn/1am tidak mustahil) tetapi tetap harus datang sebelum 7pg keesokan harinya. Tiada life, ya itu mungkin betul. Kerna pergi kerja gelap, balik kerja gelap.
Tetapi percayalah, the least yang anda boleh harapkan adalah, ini hanya sementara, nothing last forever. Worst come to worse, anda akan tetap offtag soooooner or laaater. Dan pejam celik posting bakal berakhir. Extend posting atau tidak, posting setiap dept akan berakhir dan sesuatu y baru menanti anda.

**hanya berdasarkan pengalaman y taklah byk mana, seciput y bisa dikongsi. Kerna aku juga mengalami apa y kalian rasa. May Allah bless.

selamat datang ke dunia HO

Bismilah...

Just a small things that I've learn so far and would like to share.

1. NOTHING last forever. good things or bad things. It will pass. So move on.

2. Never take things to your heart. Be it lots of scoldings, makian, pujian or achievement ke, acknowledge it then let it go. Open a new chapter everyday.

3. Be good to people, surely they'll be good to u. Be it nurses, ppk, colleagues, (some) MO n specialists.. Just be good anyway. LOL.

4. Whatever happen, reflect back. Stop finding other people mistakes, find your own mistakes n CORRECT it. you can never change people but you can change yourself.

5. The first death, the first on call, the first procedure assisted, etc. There's always first time for everything. Learn and improvise. Practice makes perfect anyway.

6. Cry as much as you want but never give up. Crying won't solve problems but it never fails to make you feel better afterward. So seriously, nothing wrong bout crying.

7. Never silent your phone while you are working. Who knows some super dedicated pharmacist/nurses/MO or anyone gonna call you even when you are in the toilet.

8. Keep all your MOs, specialists phone number inside your phone. You surely gonna need it somewhere somehow.

9. Sila download my blue book dr Google app store. Its really useful. Utk noob (like me) regarding all medications. Tapi details pls contact your pharmacist. They know best. Medscape not to be forgotten. Useful.

10. Tak tahu. TANYA. Biar bodoh sesaat dari bodoh selamanya. (Sorry direct)

11. Socialize. Never stay alone. You are NOT alone.

12. To muslims. Never tinggal solat ye. Tiada alasan utk sesaja tinggalkan solat utk jama' dikemudian masa disebabkan settling works y boleh hold dulu. *T&C applied.

*selamat menempuh alam super berbeza. Tp sila sentiasa berpegang teguh 2:286. Tq ^_^

into the new world. part 2

Bismillah.

My last post was on April 2014. During Pro Exam. Just before the 4 month long holiday. Yet start writing again on my 2nd day of work. (After the longgg 4 month break) *smirk. Futur.. Hehe

Alhamdulillah. Report duty semalam. Now I'm officially a house officer (HO) in Hospital Putrajaya. Already know my 1st posting.

Yes. Ortho is my first posting as a HO.

Yes. Im nervous. But yet. La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha. Allah takkan bebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya. Al-Baqarah:286. 

So chin up. And pray hard. ^_^

Masih dlm minggu Orientasi dan official tagging bermula esok. Some said rasa macam medical student lagi. Some said they already have to write the patient bht on the first day of tagging.  But anyway...

I dont know what is waiting for me. but i do know, to move forward you have to start MOVING!!

Good luck to all new housemen. Keep moving forward. We can do it. InsyaAllah.

Alhamdulillah. ^_^

pro exam. its the end?

bismillah...

tinggal satu je lg theory paper esok n sabtu dpn exam clinical (tanya2, check2 REAL patients, susun ayat, present kt Dr, discuss2 mcm mna nk manage. not 1 but 5 patients)... then insyaAllah thats it. NO repeat. insyaAllah. amin. (aminnn)

for now dh mula terfikir whats next?? 

for 5 years anticipating this Pro Exam. now its about to come to an end. so whats next? 

yes, the politically correct answer would be: tunggu posting.

but beyond that i was actually thinking, selama ni belajar ngokngek2 memang utk Pro Exam ke? sbb bila fefeeling nk habis ni jd mcm: 'what? selama ni tunggu penuh kecuakan utk this moment, now its about to end?'

heh. dari situ lg dah nmpk sumbing. kau belajar utk jd Dr? kau belajar utk lulus exam? atau sebenarnya kau belajar utk dpt redhaNya?

tepuk dada tya iman masing2. ini general. semua course boleh apply. memang. saya berbicara dari sudut student. yela tak habis lagi. mana nk faham perasan mereka2 y dah berkerja kan? 'lain sgt masa kerja dgn masa belajar' 'aku rindu la nak belajar balik, free, xda tanggungjawab, tau study pastu jwb exam je' 'budak tak habis belajar lg mana faham, kerja ni stress bkn seronok2 je' etc. etc.

i got no comment on that issue. xkerja lg. xda pengalaman lg so biar kakak2, abg2 y bkerja y sentuh.

my major point is. niat. hadith kan. setiap amal tu bgantung pada niat.

sooo. bila niat belajar tu utk lulus exam, bila da lulus exam tu apa jd? hilang terus momentum y selama ni menolak utk terus focus.

sama juga bila niat belajar utk jadi doktor, engineer, lab technician, cikgu, etc. (sekadar menyebut beberapa pkerjaan. xda niat utk mmperkecilkan atau buat2 xnmpk y lain). bila da dpt kerja tu apa jadi? da xada dah sebab utk berusaha. sbb dah smpai target.

tapiiii.. cuba kita jadikan niat kita nak dapat redha Allah. wee.. it wont stop. the momentum, the urge to do the best, sbb ia xkan selesai selagi xjejak syurga Allah.

a friendly reminder to me n to all of us. kita masuk syurga bkn sbb amal kita, tapi sbb redha dan rahmat Allah. iyee, kita buat amal kebaikan tapi ia belum cukup utk beli tiket ke jannah, hanya bila Allah redha baru dpt pass masuk syurga. hokeyy??

as a conclusion. always recheck. and renew. our niat. whyyyy would we be doing what we are doing.. pnjg pulak post. till then. may Allah bless.

alhamdulillah...

aku cemburu.

bismillah.

sedih, pilu jujurnya cemburu memenuhi ruang jiwa melihat mereka.. sibuk kesana kemari dengan program DnT.

ya aku cemburu. mereka memburu pahala dengan DnT. mereka memburu pahala dengan amal ibadah. mereka sibuk dengan program sana sini. mereka sibuk membina diri dan masyarakat sekeliling.

aku.. sibuk dengan urusan duniawi. berulang alik... hospital dan rumah... siang dan malam... tarikh dan masa... weekdays dan weekends... bagai repetition yang tidak lagi dapat dibezakan.. aku cemburu.

yang dikejar specialist di sana, consultant di sini, MO dan HO,
yang dikejar mencari pesakit utk ditanya tentang penyakit,
yang dikejar tutorial dan bedside teaching,
yang dikejar prosedur dan pesakit dgn good clinical findings.

bila pesakit dah meninggal, oh ada post mortem tak?
bila pesakit mengadu sakit, oh ada physical findings tak?
bila pesakit masuk wad, oh nak kena insert branula atau ambil darah tak?

eh. ini manusia atau robot.? tiada perasaankah?
yang dikejar cuma utk memenuhi logbook.
yang dikejar cuma utk lulus exam.
sedangkan hakikat y terbaring itu manusia. insan.
bukan patung mainan, bukan alatan untuk dibaiki.

itu tentang aku dan hospital. belum lagi tentang aku dan insan2 bergelar keluarga...

bagaikan munafik dirasakan diri.
berjanji tetapi tidak menepati.
membiarkan yang menanti terus menanti.
lebih sibuk mencari alasan dari sibuk mencari peluang utk pulang.
sibuk dikatakan extra sibuk.
sedang sibuk itu sebenarnya sibuk mengejar tilam dan bantal.

what kind of life actually was waiting for me ahead? where this journey leads me to? ini baru medical school, belum bekerja. ya, aku masih pelajar, belum bekerja sbg seorang doktor. yang dikatakan 100% berbeza dgn zaman belajar. kuatkah aku?

entah berapa kali mengingatkan diri.

"la yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha". Al-Baqarah :286.

'Allah tidak membebani seseorang hambaNya melainkan sesuai dengan kemampuannya'.

almost always reminding myself. but most of the time i always forgot. aku perlu kuat. menahan diri dari jatuh. menahan diri dari tersungkur. jujurnya aku lemah. tapi demiNya aku harus kuat.

to those who think they are alone,, never think so.. there's always extremely great reason why Allah send us where we are right now. believe that.

'kenapa diorang boleh ada banyak masa?'
'kenapa diorang boleh join macam2 program?'
'kenapa aku tercampak kat sini sorang2?'
'kenapa tak ada siapa kisah pasal aku?'
'macam mana aku nak kuat kalau takda program?'

kenapa,,, macam mana,, and thousand more of those words.

tak yakin dengan Dia? tak yakin dengan takdirNya?

dear me and those in similar situation,,,,
jangan biarkan dirimu umpama lobak dan telur yang berubah keadaannya bila direndam dalam air panas tetapi jadilah seperti serbuk kopi yang merubah air panas menjadi air kopi panas. uuu. ^_^

jangan menunggu bulan jatuh ke riba, tetapi berusahalah untuk ke bulan. 

conclusion: jangan mengharap keadaan sekeliling menjadi suitable condition for our iman to grow, tapi jadilah catalyst yang merubah diri sendiri dan sekeliling menjadi lebih baik.... find your way.. cari masa.. cari peluang.. cari ilmu itu.. cari, cari dan cari. 

"Apakah kamu menyangka bahawa kamu akan dibiarkan dengan hanya berkata 'Kami telah beriman' sedangkan kamu belum diuji?"  Al-Ankabut: 2

Astaghfirullah. Astaghfirullah. Astaghfirullah.... and never forget to say Alhamdulillah for nikmat Iman dan Islam y masih ada walau Iman itu sifatnya turun dan naik. Allahu Akhbar.

 this was in 2nd year i think.. 2010.
now, just a few more steps. biiznillah. 

Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal. Ramadhan Kareem.

ortho's done. it's 4th year final exam. O_O

bismillah..

uhuk2.. orthopaedics posting is DONE.. and i could say i kinda attracted to ortho... BUT the saying 'ortho does not require strength' is a LIE. i refuse to elaborate. -..-

therefore although i like ortho, high chances it will not be included in my list.

actually, there's one incident during the 1st week (ke 2nd week?) that bring me goosebumps every time i think of it.. it left me a great scar that i can't even look back at the slides and repair the damage i done. urgh. SERIOUSLY, it my fault. not the one that scold me, not anyone else. it my fault. only me. but the one that have to bare the consequences is my groupmates..  uhuhu pity them. I'M SO SORRY GUYS. it's difficult to make u guys understand but truly, i cant.

anyway, after 2 weeks of study week plus CNY holiday, now... there's only one day left before the end of semester 2 year 4 examination start.. uhuk. im scared. i don't think i'm well prepared. T_T but bismillah... may Allah ease our path and ease everything that come across.. moga kami, 31 orang pelajar perubatan tahun 4 MD UKM aucms. lulus semuanya dan meneruskan perjalanan ke tahun 5 dengan jayanya. amin.

alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal.

kisahku di A&E dept.

bismillah...

jarang benar aku berbicara mengenai kisahku y satu ini.. iaitu menghabiskan masaku di jabatan kecemasan hospital Kulim..
mengapa? kerana bagiku ia begitu personal dan dekat dihati.. sukar dikongsi.. segala pengalaman, tunjuk ajar abg2 MA, kakak2 staff nurse dan para doktor begitu meninggalkan kesan dlm lakaran kehidupanku..
namun memandangkan aku bakal meninggalkan kulim (utk sementara insyaAllah. doa2nya HO boleh di sini. ^_^) i better start writing or else i might forget some of the experiences i gain here. :)

ya, setiap satu kisah itu ada permulaannya dan permulaan kisahku di A&E bermula dgn aku dan rakan2ku hanya melintasi kawasan A&E dan kami dipanggil oleh salah seorg MA.. dia mengajak (or shall i say menyuruh) kami utk suture wound (jahit luka).. seriously, i never intended to learn suturing that time.. puas kami kata kami xpenah n tak tahu mcm mna nk suture but he said, ''jgn risau ni ada pakar boleh ajar'' which of course he is referring to another MA there.. my other two friends refuse but me, dgn perasaan ingin tahu dan ingin belajar, i take the challenge.. oh man seriously aku menggigil and just imagine, tmpt nk jahit wound tu kt dagu.. aih, buruk gk jadi uncle tu punya chin nnt. -_-

but alhamdulillah, i manage to suture the wound with guidance dr abg MA td. =D

since then, i started to fell in love with suturing, n indeed i started to enjoy coming to A&E and do any available tasks that i can do, starting from taking blood, ECG, wound dressing, suturing, tap-it sponging, giving meds either injections, tablets or even supp.. just name it, i'll rush to do it. either i know or not i'm willing to learn, if i don't know how, i'll just make muka tebal n ask anyone there, name it the doctors, MAs or nurses.. kena marah tu pernah but learning process never stops there.... boleh kata dh jadi mcm budak suruhan jugak.. but budak suruhan y rela hati disuruh atas dasar ingin belajar. ^_^

BANYAK pengalaman2 yang aku tak dapat lupakan, antaranya adalah...

y pertama, kena buat CPR dalam keadaan saya tak bersedia dan tak terfikir pun utk menyertai proses itu.. niat dihati hanya ingin melihat (pertama kali) bagaimana process resusitasi dilakukan.. suasana memang kelam kabut dan semua orang sibuk dgn tugas masing2.. ditakdirkan, doktor mengarahkan utk turut serta. and i was like O_O' sambil menggeleng2 kepala dgn bersungguh2.. serius, proses itu proses sebenar2 sedang berlaku, bukan simulasi atau praktis pada patung.. dan menyuruh aku turut serta? @_@
doktor bersungguh menyuruh aku memakai glove dan bersedia utk cardiac compression bergilir dgn MA2 which semua adalah lelaki dan aku? si kenot ni nk join in? ergh. -_-
Allah, sampai giliran aku utk cardiac compression dan mereka memberi sokongan dan dorongan mcm mna nk buat dgn betul...
Allah, Allah.. saat aku sedang lakukan cardiac compression, tup2 dapat cardiac reading.. erk. dalam banyak2 lelaki2 y kuat2 ni, time aku pulak dpt reading? im puzzled. @_@
takdir Allah, pesakit tersebut meninggal 30 minit kemudian tetapi pengalaman ini sangat memberi kesan padaku.. pertama kali pesakit meninggal dihadapanku. innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun.

y kedua, pengalaman menaiki ambulans utk mengambil pesakit.. 2 kali aku berpeluang dan kedua2nya aku buntu......... @_@
situasi pertama, mengambil pesakit di kawasan kemalangan.. apa y aku lakukan? tolong pegang kasut patient. -_-'' yelah, apa sangat y budak hingusan ini boleh tolong dlm keadaan masih tak tahu apa2 pasal pre-hospital emergency care ni.
situasi kedua, mengambil pesakit di rumahnya.. aku hanya tlg pegang mesin ECG and SpO2 n berjalan di belakang staf2... ditakdirkan, anak kepada pesakit bertanya tentang keadaan maknya kepada aku.. yelah, siapa suruh pakai whitecoat g rumah patient.. memang orang expect doktor lah kan? -_-' aku hanya menjawab y basic2 smbil buat muka minta tolong kt staf dihadapan.. alhamdulillah pertolongan diberi.
kedua2 scene ini membuktikan aku memang tak da sumbangan pon dlm pre-hospital care ni.. tapi sememangnya niat aku ikut adalah untuk mendapat exposure. dan misi tercapai. fullstop.

y ketiga, seorang kanak2, mungkin around 5 tahun. accident dilanggar kereta dan terjatuh di jalan raya. luaran hanya nampak luka2 abrasion tetapi keadaan adik ni mcm suspicious.. sekejap dia sedar, sekejap mcm orang mengantuk.. bila dia sedar dia akan cranky dan irritable, bila dia mengantuk tu dia akan senyap lepas tu mcm tertidur. this cycle continue along the time aku cuci luka abrasion di tangan dan kakinya kt treatment room.. pada masa itu jugak, ada terperasaan di kepalanya ada benjol, tak besar sangat but noticeable.. seorang doktor HO masih reviewing this patient and did not notice this suspicious condition of this child.. later, an MO who previously was passing by the room asked where's the patient (which at that time are send to do Xray) and he said the patient needed to be reviewed in red zone... dipendekkan cerita.. after a long time was taken to stabilize the patient, the child was send to seberang jaya hospital for a CT scan of the brain.. later it was found out that the child have bleeding inside the skull and emergency craniotomy was done to remove the blood.. O_O seriously. i never thought it could be that serious.

other than that, antara y paling bermakna sepanjang meluangkan masa di kecemasan adalah staf-stafnya.. seriously, mereka sangat baik.. especially abg2 MA dan kakak2 nurse y suka layan budak semak br nk belajar ni.. tak ramai y suka layan budak hingusan ni tapi y sedikit inilah y memberi aku experiences y tak dpt dilupa. ^_^ bukan Dr2 tak banyak ajar tp Dr selalu bz with patients but once they teach, wah toche sifu...... ^_^ byk input dpt... generally boleh di klasifikasikan, Dr byk ajar teori, n the staffs byk ajar praktikal.. n both are important for me... thank you guys. sobsob :')

among all. the thing i LOVE the most is SUTURING.. and in emergency there are plenty of opportunity to learn if only we are patient enough to wait for the cases. ;)  *aih, if only i can specialize in suturing field and being called suturist (master of suture) hahaha. =D

i think these are some of the experiences that i can recall now after 1 year (since most of the events occur when i'm in 3rd year).. but what can i say from these experiences are, if u are eager to learn, insyaAllah God will give you the opportunity to learn..

*some of the staffs even call me 'jonah' since every time i come to A&E surely will got either some serious case or the dept will be hectic with all the green and yellow zone cases. i have to say 'Alhamdulillah Allah beri peluang untuk aku belajar.' :)

anyway, untuk pengetahuan adik2, junior2 atau mungkin rakan2 sebatch, atau senior2 y membaca entry ini, saya BUKAN ponteng bedside teaching/ward round/lecture utk dtg A&E tapi saya datang slps waktu kls. either petang lepas kls, malam, or tgh hari in between class atau bila takda teaching. tak dinafikan, saya eager utk datang A&E lebih dari dtg ward. sbb ward boring. haha ok skeptical. :P

tp ini semua dulu, bila ada extra skit free time.. skg dah makin pack... T-T

walau bagaimanapun, saya amat menggalakkan insan2 (pelajar perubatan) y masih ada masa terluang, bila boring2 kt rumah/hostel, mls nk baca buku (mcm saya), instead of luangkan masa utk aktiviti tak mendatangkan manfaat pada diri, org lain dan masa hadapan, rajin2 lah datang kecemasan. insyaAllah bila niat baik utk belajar, Allah bagi peluang. kalau tak, kena sabar utk tunggu peluang tu. seriously, kt A&E jgk saya baca buku (walau tak banyak), handbook la selalunya. (sbb bila xda patient, tak da procedure nk buat, takda sapa nk layan sembang, u tend to read since u r boring doing nothing. hehe)

tidak habis di sini post ini. pasti ramai tertanya MENGAPA saya semangat habis nk 'buang' masa di A&E??

kerana saya percaya seorang doktor haruslah menjadi seorang y holistic (menyeluruh), bukan sekadar mengambil history, buat physical examination, hantar investigations dan buat kerja2 clerk (review, summary, etc) tetapi seorang doktor juga harus tahu, mcm mna nk bagi meds, injections, suture wound, kerja2 'remeh' y selalu di pas kepada nurse/MA. kerana apa? bukan cnfirm pon lepas grad nnt akan dihantar ke mana. mna la tahu MO nnt kena hantar kt hulu ke?where everything depend on the doctor? ha. kan serabut hidup.

*ok ini entry y SANGAT panjang. but trully base on my experience. hee.

Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal. jzkk. ^_^

its the end of 4th year.. o_o

bismillah...

how shall i put it into words.

Kulim hospital have been my second home since 2 years ago. now, its about time to leave Kulim hospital n headed to Alor Setar Hospital.. yerp, new hospital, new environment, new surrounding, AND new clinical year.. which is the 5th year a.k.a THE FINAL YEAR .. o_o

its like a dream. i felt like it was just last week that i came to waziria and enrolled myself as the first batch of  MD UKM-AUCMS. we go through every hardship and difficulty as the first batch, with all the deficiency in the equipment in the laboratory, the facilities, the CADAVER( a deceased body to be use for medical teaching),  the lack of lecturers and the technical issues with the teleconference thing.

then, it felt like it was just yesterday we came to Kulim Hospital for the orientation and briefing before we proceed through the klinik asas, divided into our respected group for the 3rd year postings and then come the 4th year, and PUFFF now we are in the end of 4th year and about to face our end of semester exam this 18 February. subhanallah, subhanallah. la haulawala kuwwata illa billah..

throughout this 2 years of clinical postings, we have been travel quite often. to Kuala Selangor for our public health posting, to Taiping for our Psychiatry, ENT, Opthal, Anaest postings, to HUKM, to Alor Setar Hospital, back and forth to Kepala Batas for the teaching sessions with lecturers and few others. that is why i called myself as a nomad. hidup pindah randah. :)

but truly, all these experiences challenge myself to become more independent, flexible, able to receive last minute orders (*smirk) and to think ahead for any situation that might come across in the near future.... *reflective writing mood ;)

anyhow, i'm looking forward for the next challenge, the FINAL year....

ok seriously, CUAK. =_=""

BUT to be able to face the FINAL year, i have to face this just around-the-corner challenge, which is the END OF SEMESTER 2 YEAR 4 EXAMINATION...

bismillah, may Allah ease our way, may Allah help us throughout our journey, and may Allah's blessing guided us to the right path. amin.

alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal..

no longer my own pace

bismillah... 

baru 2 minggu aku memulakan posting di department baru iaitu orthopaedic department. berbanding dengan paediatric posting, terlalu banyak yang aku belajar (dan perlu di revise) walau baru 2 minggu berada di posting ini. 

Allah, Allah, Allah. aku merasakan the pace is too fast. yes, its TOO fast. 

jika dibanding paediatric posting, sehingga minggu kelapan, aku masih confius, rasa byk masa terhabis dgn clerk patient, main dgn the kids.. tapi dlm posting ni, hanya dalam jangka masa 2 minggu ini seperti TERLALU banyak topik y perlu aku cover sblm clerk patient, examine patient. especially ANATOMY.! lectures terlalu banyak, bedside teaching terlalu banyak smpai aku rasa banyak ilmu y slip through my mind compare apa y melekat dalam otak. bila balik untuk revise, aku merasakan banyak y aku miss untuk catat apa y perlu di revise. 

tidak. aku tidak menyalahkan specialists kerana hal ini malah aku SANGAT berterima kasih kerana byk masa diluangkan utk mengajar kami. 

tetapi kesalahan terletak pada bahu aku sendiri. ya, aku terlalu berada di comfort zone sebelum ini. segalanya aku katakan ingin mengikut pace sendiri. 'even if its a change, i want to follow my own pace'.

now, I admit this is the moment when I agree to the dear Dr which I previously said to him that 'I insist of following my own pace'. 

a piece of advice to myself: 

if the pace is too fast, walk fast.! 
complaining will not solve the problem. 
giving up will not solve the problem. 
slowing down your pace would NEVER solve the problem.
obstacles are mean to be overcome. it is a stepping stone to be on the next level. 

peristiwa semalam menyedarkan aku, 

its time to wake up. i'm already in the last posting of this 2nd semester. which mean after i finish my end of semester exam, and insyaAllah pass my exam, i'm a 5th year student already. n by Allah's will, by 2014 i'm a doctor already. its no longer time to jokes around or hide behind the bushes. its time to get serious. by Allah's will, i'm going to help people, cure them, treat them, improve their quality of life and of course not doing any harm to them. 

now, let's look things at the bright side. its time to toughen myself. mentally, spiritually and physically.

Biar beribu parut luka menghiris kalbu

Hanya keikhlasan cinta menjadi penawar

Sekalipun diriku terbuang di mata insan

Engkau Maha Mengerti kekalnya cinta ku ini

izinkan aku meniti dihamparan cintaMu.. _unic_

cinta pada ayah ibu membuatkan aku memilih jalan ini. cinta padaMu membuatkanku terus meniti. permudahkanlah jalan ini.. Rabbi yusahhil.

alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal wa ni'mah.

Paediatric Posting

Bismilahirrahmanirrahim.
Dengan nama Allah y Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang.

Alhamdulillah thummal hamdulillah i passed all of last semester postings. psychiatry, otorhinolaryngology, ophthalmology and anaesthesiology. quite blur for most of the time there (in Taiping Hospital) but alhamdulillah i survive the postings.

now, current posting is: paediatric posting!
in KULIM hospital..

i should say paediatric posting is one of the postings that i anticipate after surgery posting. KENAPA??? coz originally i wanna be a PAEDIATRIC SURGEON.

ok actually its one of the long list of career i'm looking forward to.. 1st general surgeon, 2nd paediatric, 3rd paediatric surgeon. and the 4th one emergency medicine. ;)

but anyway... here come the gist of the story which is the sad part of the story. T_T

KENAPA.. KENAPA.. KENAPA...
kenapa i lost my semangat to be BERSEMANGAT in this posting?? (ok ayat brazil.ignore.)

WHEN I'M SUPPOSE TO BE EXCITED, THRILLED AND LOOKING FORWARD FOR IT EVERYDAY LIKE I DID BACK IN SURGERY POSTING??? why??

kt rumah malas study, kat ward pon malas clerk patients. what's happening to me?
where's the spirit Muhsina???? ~_~

BUT... (here come the excuses.. @_@)
1.the posting is so tough. many things to study, to handle cranky babies and infants, examinations and assessment skills to be brush up and many others...
2.the specialists are garang. (positively said they are professional. professional healthcare personnel that expect us to be one. starting from now!)
3. i can't take the supervisor. (REASON? mls cite. tu mengumpat namenye!)
3. and last but not least... I'm LAZY. (yes, that's it. THAT'S the real reason behind all this cranky attitude.

ok enough with ALL this nonsense LAH!

"la yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha..."

'Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kemampuannya'

"Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity."

Al-Baqarah: 286

see????????
what's there to complaint maaaa??? He mention it in His Holy Qur'an already. He KNOW that we can handle the situation given to us, that's why he give it. 

Dia Maha Pengasih lg Maha Penyayang kan. Maha means the utmost superior power beyond EVERYTHING! so Maha Pengasih and Maha Penyayang means NO ONE lg syangkan kita dari DIA. sooo... SMILE!

SMILE and face this road as it is already written for us to take it. NOT anyone else. BELIEVE!


alhamdulillah thummal hamdulillah. 

*FIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!! score A for paeds n ortho postings.. amin. insyaAllah!. :)

p/s: sorry for all the jumble mumble of broken english n bahasa pasar together with all the short forms. 

public healthcare vs private sectors

bismillah....

from my humble observation in a short period of 2 weeks in anaest posting, Taiping hospital..
(or perhaps an accumulations of thoughts and ideas since I'm entering this field, which now it finally able to come out from my brain.*smirk)

the issue that i would like to raise is:
-patients@relatives would pay a sum of money just to get the best service and treatment from the private healthcare facilities. but without they notice, even the privates have to send the patients to the public government hospital once the patients were in a great need of intensive care, emergency interventions etc.

the question is:
-why would they choose the privates in the first place?

the answer is:
-of course to look for the answer we would have to go back to the services provided by the government healthcare facilities. what's wrong with it? everyone knows the answer, especially those who have been receiving treatment in district clinics, outpatient clinics or the emergency units just to name a few. the inpatient would rather complaint about the food, the air conditioner, etc but rarely the treatment they receive.
-Yes i would say my statement is quite bias because not all public healthcare facilities are like that. (if you know what issue that I' talking about.) Nonetheless, it is the small things that would affect the image of the healthcare providers compared to the great contributions they have made. In conclusion, steps should be taken to improvise the customer service quality of the healthcare providers rather than to ignore the calling of the people that were gasping for a better quality healthcare services without spending large sum of money.

#people respect us for what we did, not for what we say. so practice what we preach.

*mood reflective writing. ;)

alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal.

kenapalah dulu aku amek medic..

bismillah. i took it from someone. yes ciloking again. but it got real deep meaning. for me, for u, for us who now on the way or currently on this path. enjoy!~~

**********************************************************

Malam kian pekat. Saya meneruskan langkah yang semakin longlai. Perut juga menyanyi kelaparan, berperang dengan mata yang minta ditutup (nak makan vs nak tidur). Otak memang letih, setelah berjam-jam diperah dan stress memikirkan rawatan dan tindakan pantas yang sesuai untuk pesakit yang datang bertubi-tubi ke pintu Accident & Emergency. Emosi? Susah kot nak senyum selepas habis oncall. Itu mungkin satu jihad. Oncall di bahagian Accident & Emergency sungguh memenatkan, kerana kita perlu sentiasa bersedia. Anything can walk in that door, walaupun mungkin keadaannya tidaklah se-dramatik cerita-cerita dlm tv.
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Apabila kepenatan, bisa saja hilang motivasi dan lemah semangat. Hati tidaklah terlalu senang gembira melayan kerenah jururawat, selain dari ragam pesakit yang pelbagai. Tidak sedikit bilangan doktor yang sekali-sekala menyesali dan TERsebut ‘kenapalah dulu aku amik medic..’. Blaja susah, keje pun susah. Di celah-celah kesibukan dan stress doktor bekerja, atau bagi medical students yang sedang bergelumang dan hampir lemas dalam timbunan kitab-kitab medic, untuk mencari semula semangat yang hilang tidak mudah.
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Namun, saya merasakan untuk merenung diri, mengingatkan, meluruskan dan memperbetulkan semula nawaitu dalam setiap amal adalah sangat penting.
“Setiap amal itu bergantung kepada niat.” (Hadith riwayat Bukhari&Muslim)
Kerana di situlah letaknya nilaian Allah, keredhaan Allah. Kalau kita cuma siapkan semua perkara itu seperti robot dan mesin, alangkah rugi. Dengan nawaitu yang benar, hendaknya kita akan lebih mengerti kenapa kita di sini, dan menaikkan kembali motivasi kita untuk meredah jalan yang masih panjang.
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Ingatkah kita kepada malam-malam yang hening, ketika kita bersujud panjang dan airmata kita membasahi sejadah…

Kita sangat berdoa Allah mengurniakan kita result SPM yang cemerlang, agar kita boleh meneruskan cita-cita.

Kemudian kita menyambung berharap tanpa putus kepada Allah, penuh terharu, supaya Allah izinkan kita untuk dapat pergi oversea, untuk dapat biasiswa, untuk dapat fly, dan nak sangat dapat masuk Medical School, nak sangat-sangat… dan kita solat hajat penuh syahdu memohon setiap hari.

Pada satu ketika yang lain pula, kita menangis dalam doa-doa kita, kita panjatkan tawakal kepada Allah setinggi angkasa, penuh cemas dan takut, agar Allah meluluskan kita dalam peperiksaan tahun akhir pengajian perubatan kita, agar akhirnya dapat bergelar Dr!
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Maha Suci Allah yang telah mengabulkan kesemuanya! Janganlah kita lupa saat-saat itu, dan bersyukurlah sepanjang masa kepadaNya. Kita belajar/kerja ini untuk Allah. Lillahi Taala. Kita buat semua ini untuk Islam. Maka kita mestilah bersemangat selalu, motivated selalu, energetic selalu, dedicated selalu, dalam melaksanakan amanah Allah yang kini tersandang di bahu kita. Kerja itu ibadah. Study itu ibadah. Dan kita mahu menjadi hamba Allah yang senantiasa dalam ibadah, mahu menjadi ‘Ibadurrahman. Kan?
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Sungguh seruan keimanan terbuka seluas-luasnya dalam kerjaya ini. Bukankah nilai sihat hanya dapat difahami oleh orang yang sakit? Maka belajarlah dari mereka yang sakit, mudah-mudahan itu akan membuka pintu hati kita untuk merendah diri bermuhasabah atas nikmat-nikmat Allah, supaya hati yang angkuh ini tunduk kepada Tuhannya dalam syukur.
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Doktor tidak bekerja dengan mesin seperti engineer, bukan juga dengan dokumen-dokumen seperti setiausaha atau bekerja dengan duit seperti akauntan. Tetapi doktor bekerja dengan manusia, perhatiannya kepada manusia, ilmunya tentang manusia, menghadapi sakit peningnya, keluhannya, keluarganya,hidup matinya. Ia fardhu kifayah, dan harusnya semua itu meninggalkan kesan kepada jiwa, membawa kita lebih hampir kepada Allah. Seandainya tidak, seandainya hati ini sudah mengeras seperti batu, seandainya kita sudah menjadi lali, sudah terlalu biasa tengok orang sakit dan orang mati hingga sukar mendetikkan keinsafan, maka doalah supaya hati itu digantikan saja dengan hati yang lain!
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Dalam kesibukan kita bekerja, ambil darah, mentafsir ECG, memasukkan tiub, ‘berperang’ dengan radiologist, menulis ubat, inject orang, janganlah sampai jiwa kita ini kering dari makna. Ingin saya ingatkan para doktor/medical students tentang keistimewaan sunnah Rasulullah yang sebenarnya selalu kita laksanakan, iaitu sunnah menziarahi orang sakit.

“Sesungguhnya seorang Muslim yang menziarahi saudaranya yang sakit akan berada di dalam kebun buah-buahan syurga sehinggalah ia pulang.” (Hadith Riwayat Imam Muslim)

Diriwayatkan daripada Saidina Ali r.a.:
“Apabila seorang muslim itu menziarahi saudaranya yang sakit pada waktu pagi, 70 000 malaikat akan mendoakan keampunannya hingga ke petang. Dan apabila dia menziarahinya pada waktu petang, 70 000 malaikat akan mendoakan keampunannya hingga ke pagi, dan akan dikurniakan kepadanya sebuah taman di syurga.” (Hadith Riwayat Abu Dawud & Tirmidzi)
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Selain dari merawat jasad yang tidak sihat, kita juga punya tanggungjawab merawat jiwa dan ruh yang sakit. Sering terjadi, orang yang dalam kesusahan mudah untuk disentuh hatinya, untuk disuntikkan dengan mesej-mesej keimanan pada saat-saat yang sesuai . Namun ‘kerja extra’ yang tidak bergaji ini hanya akan dilaksanakan oleh doktor yang berjiwa da’ie, yang niat asalnya menjadi doktor memang untuk membawa risalah Islam. Kerjaya doktor dipilih supaya diri ini dapat menjadi agent yang menjayakan misi Islam dalam masyarakat. Ini bukan hidden agenda. Kita memang berniat menyeru manusia kepada Allah, dengan sengaja, dengan usaha. Bukan kebetulan, bukan sambilan. Saya menulis dengan terang dan jelas - kerjaya doktor ini hendaklah dijadikan alat untuk dakwah.
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Kesimpulannya, bestkan kerja doktor ni? Bersemangatlah! Kerjaya ini banyak sahamnya di akhirat…huhu… kalau ikhlas.


alhamdulillah...

its God's job.. not doctor's..

bismillah...

A very HEART Touching Story...


A doctor entered the hospital in hurry after being called in for an urgent surgery.
He answered the call asap, changed his clothes & went directly to the surgery block.

He found the boy's father pacing in the hall waiting for the doctor.

On seeing him, the dad yelled:
"Why did U take all this time to come? Don't U know that my son's life is in danger? Don't U have any sense of responsibility?"

The doctor smiled & said:
"I am sorry, I wasn't in the hospital & I came as fast as I could after receiving the call...... And now, I wish you'd calm down so that I can do my work"

"Calm down?! What if your son was in this room right now, would U calm down? If your own son dies now what will U do??" said the father angrily

The doctor smiled again & replied: "I will say what Job said in the Holy Book "From dust we came & to dust we return, blessed be the name of God". Doctors cannot prolong lives. Go & intercede for your son, we will do our best by God's grace"

"Giving advises when we're not concerned is so easy" Murmured the father.

The surgery took some hours after which the doctor went out happy,
"Thank goodness!, your son is saved!" And without waiting for the father's reply he carried on his way running. "If U have any question, ask the nurse!!"

"Why is he so arrogant? He couldn't wait some minutes so that I ask about my son's state" Commented the father when seeing the nurse minutes after the doctor left.

The nurse answered, tears coming down her face: "His son died yesterday in a road accident, he was in the burial when we called him for your son's surgery. And now that he saved your son's life, he left running to finish his son's burial."

Moral of the story : Never judge anyone..... because U never know how their life is & what they're going through"

alhamdulillah... :')

its not the end lah. chills!

bismillah...

today is the last day of my surgical posting for this 3rd year. sedih.. a word to describe my feeling now. 7 weeks in surgical department of hospital Kulim. hurm. very nice experience.

from a girl who really3X afraid of surgical procedure, who never dare to see any surgical procedure especially dulu2 yang salu dlm TV3 tu.. medicTV. fuh, each n everytime ada org bukak je, she'll run away or the least she can do is close her eye tightly.

once got this task to bedah2 mata lembu in F3, this girl will run to the back of the class, then because the students really have to see! the steps, she only able to intai2 behind her friend. hoho.

then another one, during F5. each class were given the task to bedah one katak, she only able to watch the katak with the chest already been open. all the earlier procedure, huh good thing didn't see. erk. watching all the organ dalaman pon dah telan air liur.

she even crying like CRAZY watching a video on C section procedure... fuh. seriously?!!

NOW....

after all the 180 degree changes within this 3-4 years....

she is the one who always eager to enter the OT, wanting to see all the surgical interventions, the one that always the first to volunteer if any blood taking event, inserting cannula, removing suture and even suturing a wound being offered! ini seriussss.. haha (laughing to herself! kesian)

also, quite a few times she entering OT secretly by herself either during lunch hour or in the evening just to see the operations. haiyyaa seriously this girl.

then, there's one time the consultant offering her to scrub in n joining the green gown but only to watch lah ofcoz. woh. she waited like crazy that evening, but then, the consultant forgot to call her in n she miss her chance. uhu maybe next time. sedih bangat. seriously!

huhu. all the experience within these 7 weeks in surgical department. interesting! serius ckp. tapi ada la quite few time rasa boring GILA, cthnya time2 kne dgr lectures. fuh. korg penah rasa x cmni? "mata korg tgh terbukak besar2 tetiba korg tersengguk?" ha serius ckp i used to experience this during one of the lectures (tapi ni actually kisah after semalaman xtido siapkn case report la! haha.)

tapi... mmg rasa mcm tak nk tukar department, but what to to, life must go on..... sob3X T-T

starting next week and the next 6 weeks will be O&G posting. hurm. Allah know BEST.

Muhsina, be positive lah. at least u can still enter OT. though for quite different purposes. hurm.

no worries! after finishing ALL these things choose lah what u want to choose k, n who knows actually Allah have a better plan for u! ^-^ ALWAYS! believe in Allah. ;)

He already mention in Qur'an....

"boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu, padahal itu baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal itu tidak baik bagi kamu. Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui" Al Baqarah 2 : 216

bismillahi tawakkal tu 'alallah.. ^^

alhamdulillah....

"ramadhan tiba, ramadhan tiba, ramadhan tiba.. marhaban ya ramadhan, marhaban ya ramadhan, marhaban ya ramadhan...." ^_^